Feelings and Thoughts

Finally, Goodbye

It doesn’t hurt anymore. I wonder when I started feeling okay. I mean, really okay. Not the pretense okay. Not the fake okay. Really okay.

Now, it feels more light and bright. I don’t think of you anymore in the morning whenever I woke up. And you were never in my mind when I go to sleep at night. I don’t even lose sleep anymore thinking about you.

You were now just an experience I took wisdom from. You were now just a memory that would eventually fade out of my mind. One day, I won’t even remember your name, or your face, or anything about you.

It took me this long to make this realization, I know. But whoever said that “time heals” must be joking. Time doesn’t heal. Time only lets you deal with the pain. And that’s what I did. I dealt with the pain. I dealt with losing you.

Then I became me. I became who I am today. Stronger, smarter, wiser, tougher. I discovered a lot about myself. I discovered what I want, what I don’t, what should be, what should not. I learned to appreciate the things that I used to neglect. I learned to appreciate me more.

Of all the tears I’ve cried because of you, I never thought I’d come to this moment that I’ll finally conclude what you meant to me. That finally, I’ll realize that you were someone meant to pass by my life. You were never meant to stay. Though I always wanted you to, now I think I’m even glad you never did.

It feels like I got back the pieces of myself that I gave away when I lost you. I also found the piece that have always been missing from my life. The pieces that I have always thought were with you. But they never were. Not in the beginning, and absolutely not ’til the end.

I’ve always worried about how we ended. Or maybe how we never even started. It always bites me that I never got the closure I meant to get. We never started, so maybe that was why it never ended. We were always just in the middle of the confusion bubble.

So let me be the one to give the closure that I should have got a long time ago. This is goodbye. Finally, goodbye.

I literally breathe out a sigh over that. That finally, I was able to let go of the memories that haunted me a long long time ago. Finally, all the feelings were gone for good.

If we ever see each other again, maybe I’ll smile when you say hi. Maybe we won’t even recognize each other. Maybe we’re back to being those two strangers who have no idea of the other.

No more regrets. Not from you, not from me. But of all the goodbyes I’ve ever told, maybe this is the one I’m so glad I did.

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